Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
