U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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