So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
