totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
