I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
