Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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