How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is the high leading the old right now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
