My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
