U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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