And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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