Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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