I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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