nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
