MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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