3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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