i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
