The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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