How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
