Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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