I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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