Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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