he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
