She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You're like the curious george of whores
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Rumble strips road head = magical
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
