if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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