His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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