More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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