i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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