South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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