: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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