Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
