drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
