I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
