My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
