I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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