Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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