If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
