im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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