Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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