just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
