last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
