remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
