Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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