I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
