My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
