On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
