my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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