she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
