i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
