Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
