4 words: hood of his car
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
