Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
