I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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