She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
