There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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