I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
