Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i may or may not be watching the land before time
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
