she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
