I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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