Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
