I faked an abortion last night.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
