Fuck appropriateness.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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