PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
