Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize