i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
