Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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