Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have post one night stand depression
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
