Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
