i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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