M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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