Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
