dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
