Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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