Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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