allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The uberlube is also flammable
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
