mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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