Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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