at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
