i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
