four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
