i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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