So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
