direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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